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Christmas Parrot

Uncle Jim’s wife had passed away and his brother thought he seemed lonely.  So he got him a parrot for Christmas.  Unfortunately, it was a pre-owned parrot.  With a crude vocabulary and a bad attitude.


Every other word was an expletive.  Those that weren’t expletives were vulgar and crude.  Jim was a sweet guy, and decided to try to change the bird’s attitude by setting a good example.  He spoke politely to the bird.  He corrected the bird, and tried to improve his vocabulary. He played soft soothing music.  Nothing seemed to help.

One day it just got to be too much.  "Quit it!", he yelled, and shook the bird.

This made the parrot really mad, and he swore up a blue streak.

Jim grabbed him, and stuffed him in a kitchen cabinet.  The bird clawed, and scratched, and screeched.

When Jim finally let him out, the bird let loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make even a veteran sailor blush.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jim put the parrot in the freezer.  For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly ... there was absolute quiet.

Jim was afraid he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jim’s extended arm and said, "I’m awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you.  I’ll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

Jim was astounded at the changes in the bird’s attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

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