A zoo in Alabama got a new gorilla

A zoo down in Alabama got a new gorilla.  Actually, it was the only gorilla they ever had — a rare lowland gorilla.  Lots of folks came to see her, and the zoo director was right proud of his new tenant.

But after a while, she started to seem lethargic and sad.  He wasn’t quite sure what to do, but she was a young gorilla in the prime of life, and he thought he should mate her.  That might perk her up.  Only problem was that there weren’t any other lowland gorillas in any nearby zoos, and he had some budget limitations as well, it being a recession and all.

So he thought on it a while, then he had an inspiration!  What about good old Raiford?  Who’d been feeding her, and cleaning her cage?  Seemed like he got along right well with her.

So one afternoon, he called old Raiford into his office.  He explained to him about what he thought the gorilla needed, and would he be willin’ ... for $500?

Well ... (there was a long pause here), then Raiford said: "I’ll have to think a while about that."

The zoo director knew better than to rush old Raiford, so he waited a couple of days, then he called him in to his office.  "Have you been thinking about my offer?"


"So ... are you willin’?"

"Well, I reckon... But I've got five conditions."

"What are they?"

"Well, first, it’s jus gonna be between me and her.  Ain’t gonna have nobody a‑watchin’."

"No problem."

"Number two, she’s gotta be wearin’ a Dale Earnhardt T-shirt.  Number three, I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.  And number four, all the babies gonna have to be raised Southern Baptist."

"O.K.  So ... what's condition number five?" the zoo director asked.

"Well ... number five, you gonna have to give me another week to raise the $500."

— Contributed by Don Morreale